Today was probably one of the worse days of my life...I do not say that lightly, and it's not funny. Today was filled with screaming children and my supervisor watching it all in the back of the room. Oh my. All I can think about right now are all of the professions I should have chosen to pursue. Like waiter, or McDonald's hamburger maker. I could have done those jobs well. I have a feeling this throbbing in my head is not going away anytime soon...

So January Started off with a headcold and February started with a big bang of Norovirus: AKA diarrhea for four days straight. Am I going to survive 2007? That is the question.

Andy and Sammi, I hope your new blog titles give you pleasure.

And to Ryochan: You read my blog!!?? I had no idea.

To Uyen: School is slowly killing me...well my kindergartners germs are anyway, but I'm gonna make it. And when I do, I'll be immune to every illness known to little, five-year- old man!

I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
-Yeats

2007 has begun in ernest. I've been sick with a head cold for four days. I'm suffering massive anxiety about teaching kindergartners, and I've watched way too much television. Hmmm...imagine that. Well, all I can do is continue to chant, and have confidence that 2007 will get better.

So, I gave in today and actually decorated my myspace page. In doing so, I found some of you fools on myspace and I asked you to be my friend. So, you know, hook a sister up and accept me some time soon. I also visited my Hi5 account today and I had two messages from random guys who, "just wanted to chat." Well they were a little too buff and fake tanned for me, so I deleted them. Sorry boys!

Ode to my wisdom teeth that I had removed last Thursday

O' Wisdom teeth, wisdom teeth two were under ground. O' wisdom teeth, wisdom teeth the other two were out and hanging around. I used to pick food out of the holes those two made. But the other day my dentist got paid. He took out my wisdom teeth and threw them away and now I'm in pain every day. Its amazing how the removal of four teeth can knock one down for more than a week. But I'm trying to stay strong and not let the pressure take me down, 'cause dude, it's the holidays and with that you don't mess around.

By the way, I have a 4.0 over all G.P.A. Who knew...?

I thought I was free from Capstone forever! But here I am a year and a half later typing up another one! What the hell is going on...I don't even have Sammi and Pili to procrastinate with. It's just me, in my chair, bored, lonely, and wishing it was graduation day.

I need a chug!

P.S. My last day with my fourth graders was Wednesday. I'm gonna miss them...

Japan















Our first day in Japan, I was delirious. All I can tell you is that we ate good food, hung out with SJ, Yumi and Noako, and then I crashed (hard) on the floor of our hotel. Yeah, we snuck four people in one room...but we wouldn't be us if we had done it the "proper" way!



















The giant cone!! In Tokyo, we shopped. We went to a Kabuki show which Jess hated, we went bra shopping, we rode train after train...




















Yes, we went to Denny's in Japan...but isn't this picture cute!!















I got naked. What more can I say.















In Nikko, I should have eaten floating spaghetti, but I had ramen instead!















Ann's house!




















Jess says she doesn't look like herself in this picture, but she does look mighty adorable in her green school shoes. Bye the bye, this is at soka high school which was an adventure to find. While at the high school Ann pulled the first class card and we were able to give ourselves a tour of the school. I had fun saying hello to everyone.

When we left Soka high, we went to a spaghetti shop and I had the best spaghetti ever in the whole world!!

At headquarters I dropped off gifts and we had a guidance session with Mr. Asano. He looked at Jess the whole time. He knew she was a heathen...After our guidance session we went shopping. I bought the cutest gosho cover ever! It's too small for my American gosho, but Leaves of Grass fits perfectly.

The same night I made my first drunk and dial call to Allison. I'm sure she'll give you details, if you ask nicely.















After Ann's, jess and I took a six hour train ride to Aomori. At her friend Brian's I made BEAUTIFUL takoyaki (is that how you spell it) and almost choked to death on a piece of fat that slid down my throat. Yeah, I think I definitely impressed Brian when I regurgitated my food.




















Alli's house! It was freezing, but super cute inside.















This tree IS being molested. Jessica was practicing being sensual, and I think she was quite successful in this pic, what do you think?

During our stay with Allison we were hit on by dumb Americans at the lake, we ate conveyor belt sushi, I had Mos burger for the first time, and we went to THREE hundred yen stores.












Allison took us to the coolest park ever. The slides were crazy. One of them was a 90 degree drop! The others were roller slides. I think I still have bruises on my tushie.

The trip was a lot of fun. In particular it was so nice to see my SOKA sisters!! Fight with them, hang out with them, talk about randomness with them! I miss you ladies.

Back to reality...I've been sleepy for four days straight. Hopefully this jetlag thing will go away soon. I've actually blacked out a couple of times...is that normal...

On Monday September 25, 2006, I taught my first math lesson. It was somewhat terrifying. Math, I thought, they want ME to teach math. Math makes me cry... But I did it...and then I did it again the next day, and the next, and the next for the whole week. A good teacher checks for students understanding regularly and often and all of my checks have shown that my students ARE learning! Pat on the back.

Teaching is hard. All of those minds are in my hands. All of those eyes are looking at me. All of those children are EXPECTING me to help them come to new understandings about the world...Intimidating?? Hell yes! But every day it gets a little easier. On Thursday, I taught a little girl how to tell the time, on Friday I spoke Spanish to a little boy who barely understands English and his face lit up when he was finally able to understand the instructions given to him, and complete the task at hand. A little boy wrote on his weekly note that his favorite part of the week had been learning about arrays. His favorite part of the week was when I was teaching...! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

My husband put out a new album...I bet if you make an educated guess you'll know who I'm talking about. Listening to it improves my mood. My life is crazy. In the next three months I have a work sample and capstone proposal due. My worksample will be approximately 100 pages long and y'all know how stressful writing a capstone proposal can be...but you would be proud of me...I haven't had a freakout fest yet. I've been taking one day at a time and, miraculously, it's working to keep me calm about all I have to do in the next few weeks. I'm good...I'm gonna make it.

Oh Boy! back to school I went...It's amazing how I could physically feel my stress level rising as the day progressed. I say we go back to a life of hunting and gathering where no one needed a text book to tell them how to live and everyone got to run around half naked in the summer (bye bye business casual!)

I had some kind of strange allergic reaction to food yesterday. Who knows which food, 'cause I ate a lot, but I returned from my friend Rick's party feeling like I was going to die. My skin hurt (like when something rubbed against it I wanted to scream) and even my eye balls hurt. It was super strange. But now it's the next day and I'm still in this weird funk. Even lifting my head from the pillow is a chore. What's going on!

My new exercise schedule:
(if you see/talk to me, ask how it's going!)

Sunday morning: pilates
Tuesday afternoon: jogging with my mom
Wednesday evening: Aquaerobics (yes!)
Friday night: My mom and I are signing up for a hip-hop class together...the out of shape 23 year old and the 59 year old...yeah, I'll keep you posted.

I went to Alonzo's family reunion in Massachusetts last weekend and had a blast. My Uncle and aunt live on a huge lake. I went paddle boating and kayaking for the first time, and also went intertubing in the back of my uncle John's boat. It was like a roller coaster, only better!

While I was kayaking, my sister and I passed by the most beautiful house I've ever seen. There was this big Buddha sitting out front and the sun rays were filtering through the trees. You could see the light playing off of the wooden siding of the house and the golden Buddha...Something about that scene was magic...I couldn't stop looking at it. It reminded me that life isn't only about working hard, getting a paycheck, or stressing out, but that life should also be about the quite magic moments we sometimes experience in nature. About the birds taking flight, soaring across a setting sun...Life is beauty.

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a teacher. What is my personal educational philosophy. Do I believe in reformation of society through education? Well, I went to Soka U, so I think so. That brings me to my ever expanding dream of teaching at/opening a soka elementary school. It used to be someone else's dream...It used to be that I just supported the idea. But now, I'm somehow making "their" dream mine...Needing to discover something greater in education...Wanting to change the world. Lofty, lofty goals.

My practice is steady. School is turning out to be this great adventure. I don't love "the boy" any more because I've discovered that others exist to love. I'm moving forward. I'm breakin' out.

It's hot, and I'm scared!

Grad school is 100% difficult. What was I thinking?? Higher education...who needs it. I think tomorrow I'll become a grad-school-dropout, move to Australia and become a beach bum...

My friend Christina was quite convincing yesterday when she said I should accompany her and her roommate to a drag show at Darcelle's in downtown Portland. I made up every excuse I possibly could not to go, especially when I heard that the show would be followed by a male review (yeah, that's right folks, hot guys, with g-strings, attacking horny women).

Somehow she sucked me into going. I walked out of the house looking a hot mess but determined to have a good time despite my fear that crazy drag queens would make fun of the "prude" twenty three year old in the audience and hot naked guys would dry hump me.

The drag show was great. The queens have this sexy dignity that I aspire to as a woman. The host queen was like eighty years old but still doing his/her thang. And it's pretty fabulous watching a drag queen dance around the stage to Mariah Carey's take me higher...It's like the song is fulfilling its mission somehow.

After the drag show, my friends were like..."Well, we're going to go to the bathroom." The minute they left is the same minute the male review started. I sucked a little harder on my rum and cherry coke and prayed my friends would return to their seats before the dry humping occurred. The first dancer was a blonde business man...I don't think I'll ever see a real business man gyrate against a pole in his skivies and top hat, but it's an entertaining fantasy none the less.

The show was a combination of choreographed acts and g-string clad men working the room. The working the room bit is what scared me the most because it consists of women holding dollar bills in their various orifices and the naked men pressing their "members" up against the women as they kiss, touch, and ultimately get the dollar from them.

Every time one of the guys passed me I tried my best to pretend I was actually invisible, but one stripper just walked right in front of me and started dry humping the air in front of my face. I screamed and he got the point...

Hmm...but then the fireman came out, and let me tell you girls (and Andy) he was a mighty fine piece of meat. By the way, he took his g-string all the way off during his performance, which was strangely OK with me...maybe the rum and coke doing it's job...?

The fireman eventually made his way to our section of the room, and Becky made him work for his dollar. Stina and I were sitting there like, he better not come over here, but of course that's when he noticed us and was like, "I'll be back for the scared one's!" Ahhhhh... I was like, he might have a nice penis on stage, but I would like to avoid having it swinging in front of my face!!

Maybe half an hour later, the fireman finally made his way back over to Stina and I. Christina had had about five drinks at this point so she was feeling good enough to stick the dollar in her mouth...and well you get the point.

I again pretended to be invisible and it was working until someone shoved a dollar bill down my shirt and told him to go get it. Much of what happened next is quite blurry seeing as I wasn't breathing the whole time. But I do remember fireman straddling me...Pulling the dollar out with his hand, rubbing his lips all over my neck and then he kissed me on the cheek. While he was doing all of this I kept smacking his ass...which was really just a nervous tick, but I just kept doing it!! As quick as he had come, he was gone. I gave Christina my "you did this to me look..."

Listen, the moral of the story is, I had a great time!! It was really a lot of fun...and next time you girls and (Andy) are in town we're going to Darcelle's! Plus, if we ever go to Vegas again we HAVE to go to Chip and Dales. Stina told me the men are the cream of the crop and mighty fine...so no objections!

Love y'all

It was such a blast. I love you fools and all your crazy ways.
Andy: I need your address...and an email address too...Do you have hotmail??

When I was a little girl, sunny weather meant bike rides, tennis games, and park visits. As an adult all sense of adventure has some how been sucked out of my life. My bike has cobwebs...I don't even know what happened to my tennis racket... and the park seems mighty far away. But it's such a beautiful day. It's a shame and a sin for me to be sitting inside looking out the window wishing I was a child again.

Where's the energy!

My summer is going to be jam packed.

California in May

Start Grad school in June

Denver SGI festival in June/July

Family reunion in Massachusetts in July

FNCC in August

Every day I look at the calendar and wish it was the next day, so that it would be summer...But that's no way to live...I better start enjoying the moment or I'm going to give myself an ulcer! Or a heart condition. I feel jumpy, I feel bored...