When I was younger I took my mom for granted. She cooked, she cleaned, she loved, she slaved and all I could think was how she wasn't doing enough. Who was I? How could I? Where did this appreciation come from?...when did this mind shift happen? My mom is a god.

I sat around this table and looked out at love and I realized I am rich.

And now, even the air I breathe reminds me of deliverance.

And now, even the bad things seem like wishes come true.

I'm twenty years old, and my life can feel it.

How does a man lose his way.

Find the little boy in the obese body.

That's who he remembers

That's what never ends

Childhood.

Life makes me afresh daily.

Sweet middle C's ring out.

Endless.

It's Valentines Day, which tends to fill me with hate and anger but this one is different. I woke up this morning and I was like, I'm gonna make this a good day, and so far I have. If you love and give, people will love and give back...lesson number one. Lesson number two, acceptance can go a long way.

How come I feel like something really bad is about to happen or has happened? I've got that down in my gut feeling, and it's scary.

Love is like film, it needs darkness to develop. How great is that line.

Today was one of those wham bam thank you mamm kinda' days, and my brain hurts. Running around, chicken cut lose...how does your world change in a single moment?

Good Vs. Evil...I have so many people to talk to this about. Oh no...here it goes.

Happiness comes to those who welcome it with open arms and a bright smile.

Wiggle your nose rabbit. I know, I take it back.

My desperate attempts at consecous are lost, and so I zone out, and fly to the land of, oh how this is painful.

Brain twisting, far out, universe kind of changes are happening to me.

Occupy time with weird dreams and endless thoughts of how it could be if only I could make up my mind. I have two new hobbies.

Boundless are your rivers of ideas, how dare you ignore mine.

I have fought to be nothing, why does that have to change.

looking back on old photos I'm more then I can handle.

Moments, frozen, of ice pops and snowangles, but they don't portray how right then, I was wishing I had a boyfriend.

You keep wishing your life away, soon you will be wishing for those days you used have back.

Aren't you hungry for a change or is that my own twisted duck.

I guess Americans get to start over twice...happy new year.

Roots, sucking,
Life sustaining...
I have risen, it's hard to see
Sponge like,
more then pores,
roots sucking,
Anything more?
Throw...shove...Push,
everything at me.
Laughing, mouth wide,
eyes have always sparkled,
roots sucking.
I've been ready.
years stacking,
time passing.
I've been ready.
Amiration...anticipation,
forgetting to take care of many...
I am a work in progress,
roots sucking, life sustaing...

Rough around the edges.
Not quite together.
Breathless.
Speaking of the unknown as if it will be easy.
I fall a little more each time I fail.
I look foward to the nothing moments, because darkness shields pain.
Don't look at what I haven't become.
I can tell I have a lot of growing up to do.
I've already come to far not to be moved.
Keep mistakes and never learn.
Wipe the salt water.
Ready to lay down under the sun, hand held up, see through fingers.
Squint and laugh...It may always be the same.

There are these moments I have that remind me of how alone I am. They are kind of like an epiphany only they hurt, and that’s when it starts. Slam you down in the mud, rough and unforgiving sadness.

It could have been any other night…bird.

Remembering that I have a hole somewhere in my middle, insides dropping out, that’s the hardest thing about dandelions and never knowing center.

The light can dim to a glow…hard to see, hard to even notice those people to my right.

Sleeping alone is like forgetting the sun sets as other things slow down. It’s like a wish…a constant, steady reminder of empty cups and empty hands. I have slept alone since the day I squinted at the bright lights in the hospital.

My spirit has never known unshaven legs and face stubble…it is half there. My spirit longs to touch “man heart” and hair that has never been longer then mine.

Oh woes to the never calm ocean that mimics my heart and teases me because it is content.

Sand between my toes has always felt better then sitting and waiting…

His voice falls to high and scratches the wrong side of my brain, and they all laugh as he raises his arms talking about a new world order.

She is so sentimental and I want to see through her skin, it's almost translucent, like fat free milk in a clear glass.

I can't take anymore of your agreement, never nod your head in the affirmative again, not unless you've really thought it through.

I like how we are exactly the same, and he wants love and I would give it...this world is truley mysterious.

Thank you for appreciating me...you have never done that before.

I think he's holding on because he knows my book is the last thing connecting him to me...he had his chance...I'm taking it far away.

There is this endless, relentless river. The answers are bobbing there, but the river runs too fast to truely grasp the truth.

Never talk to me of uh oh again...my dad is struggling to relate.

Andy just got spice girls stuck in my head. I'll tell you what I want...for it to go away.

Oh....

This sleepy, creepy love comes from nothing; this icky sticky mess, my heart. I'm thinking my hands are going to do the talking from now on...clay is my medium...I will communicate.

Old nag, stop pulling on the legs of my pajama pants; I know I am not to be so content.

But never the less, I am, and I feel as if I have broken into the cookie jar. Chocolate sticking to my fingers, a smile on my face. Sugar is so tasty when it's forbidden.

Create, becuase creativity is continuity. I am in love with the bottom to the top, smoothing clay, tasting it on the tip of my tongue, legs spread, knowing the shape of my hands...icky sticky love comes from nowhere.

What am I going to do? When will I stop questioning everything and take action? Is my questioning nessacary for my understanding of the action I want to take? If not me then who... Me feeling overwhelmed is not going to change anything. I just listened to a story about how women planted billions of trees in Africa...When am I going to start planting?

I walked through a maze once and it was so surreal I can, now, only remember it as a dream.

I think I may have brought a puppy home once, that puked on my lap and was immediatly taken back to the farm we had rescued it from.

I may have been stuck in an elevator with my dad and his brother, but they say they don't remember...

Did my dad really snore so loudly it shook the house or was it something else?

When I was still in elementry school I would swear to people, up and down, that I once closed my eyes at night only to wake to the sun a second later.

Was there actually a big dinosour that I went to on a school trip...it looked like the largest slide in the world.

When I smelled weed for the first time, I recognized it immediatly as the smell that permeated my dads room on the bad days.

Katie and I made a trip across a dark feild to a two level shed, I think, and the dolls that were perched on the stairs looked like monsters waiting for a meal.

We finally had our talk...

And it reminded me of rainy days in the summer. A relief from the heat.

So what will I breathe in next...

And who's body will I finally posess.

I'm ready for red sunstreaks...

And the quite sound the ocean makes when muffled by a window...

Who are you?

There once was this fish named burt. His name wasn't really burt, it was ernie, but he prefered to be called burt because it sounded more manly. One day burt decided to go out to eat. There was this really great joint around his rock called the pond de yummy. So he went out with five scales, which was a lot of money in his time, to get the yummy special. When he got to the food joint he gave the guy at the water plant gate his five dollars and entered a world of yummy grubs. One particularly fat grub caught his attention and he decided to catch it instead of the yummy special. He swam towards it slowly avoiding the other fish dodging about. It glimmered in the sun and looked delicious, he had never seen such a good looking yummy before. In time, he was close enough to it that he could dart out and grab it with reasonable ease, so he did, and just as he was clamping down he noticed a peice of silver sticking out of the side of the yummy grub. But he notice to late and before he kew it he was being pulled out if the water by the hook that had been hidden inside his precious food. Before he got pulled all the way up he yelled down to the other fish, "the fishers have found our site! The fishers have found us," and then he was in the air dying.

"Looks like we found us a good one." "Yeah he's big alright!" The fish in Jim's hands was flapping around and struggling like there was no tommorow, well, actually there wasn't for the fish, but..."Boy he sure can move!" Good eaten tonight, thought Jim's fishing buddy Ralph...good eatin' tonight.

Burt splashed about wishing he had never gone out to eat. His mother had warned him of going into other parts of the water and he had ignored her like all good, young fish should. But now, as struggling became more and more difficult, he could see her kind face and began to cry, his mouth opening up and shutting. The men in the boat were making loud noises that scared burt and he treid to stop moving about. He stopped struggling, he stoped fighting, he stoped crying, he stopped living and then darkness.

"Wait 'till Rita sees this baby!" Yelled Jim, "You just wait!"