I'm really good at making excuses for not calling my friends. The truth...I don't like to talk on the phone all that much, because for me it doesn't compare to actually spending time with them, so I'll say everything here in this blog, for now.

Sammi: I'm really sorry to hear about checkers. losing an animal is so heartbreaking...especially one you've had so long...Did you guys have a ceremony for him?
I received your yummy fudge and One-piece package. My mouth and my imagination thank you.

Uyen: I'm going to call you soon, I promise, and planning will begin.

Ann: I hope you are OK...Alli said you had an I.V. drip at the hospital...let us know how you are...

Cassie: Yay! At least someone appreciates Portland...Plus, thank you for the gift, it was beautiful. P.S. How come you are so damn brilliant? They gave you an award?! That's amazing!

Alli: Sorry I missed your call...happy new year, don't buy too much stuff in Tokyo!

Andy: You too will be getting a call shortly...I might beg you to crash at your pad. let me know when you get back from Japan.

Pili: Yay! It was really nice hearing from you, Ryo, and Phat the other day...even if it was just a message on my phone. I'm so sad I'm going to miss seeing Ryo!! give him a hug for me, and tell Phat that Andy was the one who told me he was turning 40, so it's all Andy's fault :) Also, tell him it's the thought that counts!

Jessica: I'm going to call you back...I know, I know, I'm a month late. Hey, just to add to the message I put in your Christmas card...You are creative and artistic!! My mom picked up your card the other day from the pile of Christmas cards in our living room, and said, "ooh, who's card is this...this is really neat!"

Christmas has come and almost gone again! I hope everyone had a lovely day.

The older I get, the more I love Christmas. Last night we had our Christmas party. Our parties always end with drunk adults complaining about the Republican party, but they sure are fun before the fifth bottle of wine. My mom cooked her famous macaroni and cheese with sour cream, along with a turkey and all the rest of the trimmings. The food was delicious and the company was drunkenly hilarious!

Today my dad made us our Christmas brunch...And then we opened the presents! It took us two hours to open everything, but it was great to see the smiles on everyone's faces as they opened up their shiny packages. Alonzo even cried when we gave him his I-pod nano. It was classic.

We played Monopoly, ate cheese and crackers and listened to cheesy Christmas music together. Looking forward to next year...

"Pirate me hidey!!"

If I was clever and getting enough sleep, I'd write an epic blog about the disappearance of Samantha June Hawkins. For now, all I can say is...she must have finally taken the final step to "Pirate hood." Sammi, have many gold filled adventures for me and the rest of us land loving folk. We miss you.

It's 2:18 am.

I just wrote a 7 page paper in five hours.

Did we really used to do this kind of shit on a regular basis? I mean, I recall writing a 20 pager in a day. Was that really my life?

Studying has no place in the real world.

It's official, my mom and I are going down to California on the 14th of January! I'm very excited. Believe it or not, I miss California, a lot! I was telling Alli, on the phone, that I miss the strip malls, the mild weather, walmart, and even the traffic. I miss all of those things about California I vowed to hate forever! But mostly, I miss Soka and all of you guys!

My classes are ending in two days, and I'm sad. I've met some really great people in my classes, and I'm going to miss seeing them every day...

Yeah, so this is miss totally brain dead signing out!

I've got some good news and some GOOD news! First, today, I kicked off my five day vacation...I have to say that sitting on the couch, doing nothing, is highly underrated...

Second, I found out that my loans have been deferred. Yay! No payments, and no interest! Yesterday, I called both loan companies to find out about payment methods, and they informed me that because I was taking classes at PSU part-time I have an "in school" status, meaning I don't have to pay! I will be taking classes next semester also, and plan on going to grad school this summer, so it looks like I won't have to pay anything for the next year and a half. FABULOUS!

Next week I have five days off, in a row! No school, no work, no nothing unless I choose to do something. I think one of those days is going to be spent in my pJ's, in front of the TV, eating ice cream.

If uyen's blog makes me jealous. Jo's blog makes me blind with envy.

Oh! To be in New York, in love....

Ok everyone, now raise your glass for a toast to EMPLOYMENT!! Seems like everyone's on the right track...Now you too can watch as your money is slowly eaten away by the many expenses life throws in your face...Oh reality, "Oh discordia!"

So talk about being a big dork hooked on a book series, I'm still going strong on Steven Kings dark tower series. I'm about an eighth of the way through the last book. My life will feel very empty without my "tower" friends who's journey I've followed ever since graduation. It's weird how the characters in books sometimes become more real than the living breathing people that surround you...

...It's very easy to live in a fantasy when your reality doesn't match your ideal. "can you ken it."

my newly acquired license (by newly, I mean I got it today!) is in my wallet, and the road is waiting for me drive on it... watch out p-town!

Five Reasons why Elizabethtown is really all about me...

1. The opening scene is an aerial view of my city p-town. I recognized every building and every bridge.
2. The scene at Orlando/drew's shoe-wear company is shot at the Nike town headquarters, also in Oregon.
3. The scenes at Nike town are cross cut with the scenes shot at Soka U. There's a scene in the Ikeda reading room, the art gallery, and the gym. All I could think in my head was, that's the same gym I graduated in!!
4. The scene which is supposed to be located in the Portland airport...like Orlando is leaving Oregon to go to Kentucky, I think...was shot at the John Wayne Airport. That's the airport I traveled from every time I went home!
5. And to make it as clear as glass, the title has my name in it.

The movie is not that great, but Orlando' s pretty smokin', and I was practically screaming when I saw the shots with our school in them. My sister and Christina were like, "Ellie shut up." "Ellie, calm down!"

Yesterday I took the CBEST. Who knows if I passed. All I know is if I didn't, I might have to break down BIG TIME...

Yesterday I really missed Uyen. Taking my test reminded me of taking the GRE together. I remember driving to the test site in Ann and feeling nervous, but happy that Uyen and I were going to go through the craziness of the GRE together...

Andy and Koji: Who the heck am I going to hang on in the haunted houses this Halloween?

My body finally gave in to my crazy schedule. I hate being sick!! I've been in "the dream world" all day trying to sleep off this cold I caught, and trying to relax, because my life reached maximum intensity this week.

I've finally started taking classes. I have three, and I love them, but working ten hours during the day and going to school three hours at night is proving to be a great challenge...Can I really maintain my health with this schedule?? Who knows. And to top it all off It's raining cats and dogs!!

Ok...I've got to get through this. I just keep telling myself it's only eight more months until I get into grad school and REALLY start working toward my goal of becoming an ele. Teacher. My challenge is to celebrate these next eight months and enjoy them for what they will be, a crazy period of learning and growth. There's nothing wrong with that, right? Let's just hope my immune system can take it. And my friendships...

If I don't email, call or talk to you all for awhile, just imagine me chasing around two year olds for ten hours, and then jumping on the bus to sit through class. I love y'all!

I'm being bought, and that's the truth.

I'm too shy/scared to "get a life," and that's the truth.

The Joyful Noise take over of the YMCA is the worst thing that I've ever experienced on a job, and that's the truth.

I may never grow up, and that's the truth.

I get jealous when I read Uyen's blog because it reminds me of the life I wish I led, and that's the truth.

I'm a judgmental brat, and that's the truth.

I'm broke, and I watch too much TV, and that's the truth.

I don't trust, and that's the truth.

One of the best things in the world is a hug from a friend you haven't seen in a while. I went to a BBQ at Wula's house today and saw Caisy, and Jackie! They both seem well. We sat around and talked about our new lives, and how the shadows of our old ones seem to get in the way of happiness...we ate chicken, took a walk around the neighborhood, talked about "boys" and "girls" and enjoyed each others company. Caisy said she's "in transition." Jacky works at soka and said she refuses to eat in the cafeteria where the food is no longer free, and the faces have changed. Wula and caisy work in a restaurant in the town center and they said the professors find excuses to go eat there so that they can see people from the class of 05. The profs are lost without us. Jackie said they call us their babies...

Will I ever feel at home in my house again?

Happy Birthday Cassie and Jess...Your cards are in the mail!!

"Your eyes have a story that they wish to tell, and I have my whole life and I listen well. Look I'll be your confidant, tell me anything." JT

First, congrats to all of those who have recently been hired...Mitzi we can suffer together in the shoe department...and Sammi, I do need more One Piece!! It keeps me sane.

Updates:

I went to the beach for three days last week. And it was cleansing. My sister and I ran across sand dunes, wiggled our toes in the cold murky water, and I ate eggs benedict. I want to go back, I wanted to stay forever, but that's not life. Life is hard work.

When I came back from the beach, I picked up my 2004 Toyota corolla from the Hertz dealer. Yes, I bought a car. I love it. I'm in love with it. It's the highlight of my last three months.

I talked to Pili today, who was at SUA, and found Andy who I talked to for the first time in forever!! I could hear the other students celebrating a birthday party in the background and my heart broke. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to escape from real life and feel warm and safe in my Soka bubble again. But then my new car called and I drove myself and my mom to a diamoku toso (aka lots of chanting at a friends house).

Reasons why I'm stressed out:

• I can't wear sandals to work anymore and my feet are mad at me for suffocating them every day.
• I have to be at work every morning at 7:15am. At soka nothing began before 9am. My body is in shock.
• My new bosses are absolutely nothing like my old boss Terri. She talked with us about Harry potter and cramps. My new bosses barely manage a hello, much less an entertaining conversation.

Can I do this?? That's the question taking over my brain...

So, In the last three weeks my job at the daycare has been incredibly stressful, to say the least. A new company is taking over the Children's Holladay Center on August 1st. In the last two weeks all of the staff members at the CHC including myself have had to reapply for their jobs. This month has been filled with my wondering whether I'd have to move on and get a different full time job. Today, however, I found out that the new company is hiring me and is giving me a full time teacher position. I have mixed feelings. I'll be making $2 more an hour and I'll get health insurance, which is a good thing, and I'll get a lot of great experience planning lessons, etc. But on another note, it scares me that I will be responsible for a class. I won't go into the class with the mentality of a sub or an aid, but with the mentality of a teacher. Ahhh....Scary!! My week will be a 4/10 week. I'll have Tuesday's off and work all other days from 7:30pm to 5:30pm. Hmm, well, I guess I'll just give it all I got, and hopefully everything works out for the best.