Oh, and it goes. I was in the canyon today soaring, and then I touched down.
There were two men talking outside my window. I know them. Chocolate tastes so good.
It seemed to quiet. I know our relationship is suffering. It was so huge and now it's so empty.
I can stare. I laid my head down and let it all soak in. Still nothing.
It hurt but I do it to be excepted.
Run me.
Color. Black and White. I was bored.
Touched my chin. It felt like love.
Hear I am. Everyone. Here we are.
Saturday, November 02, 2002
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
Sunday, October 27, 2002
I drew today. It felt good. It felt like soaring above the clouds. It felt like forgeting. He has these beautiful lips. I think he was wearing blush. He kept drawing my forhead, my eyebrows, my eyes...maybe the rest of my face isn't worth it. Nothing will ever end. We suffer.
Some people become content with thier suffering.
That must be the exact momet they become happy.
I hope one day I will realize I will go on forever. That thought seems too big to grasp. Profound thoughts often whisper to me in the dark. They sweep past rustling trying to distract me so I will forget. And I usually do.
The morning.
Light.
They bring me back to the tangible. If only I could find a balance between the two.
Extra sensitive...forgetting why. Smiling because I have to. I can't put my finger on the argument. When I'm over whelmed it all slips away and I panic because I can't remember why I was crying. Why do I hold on so tight. Would I drift away? Places unknown. Peter pan...she never grew up. I'm not an adult when I'm alone.
It's like BIG. Did you ever see that movie? An adult doing adult things, sobbing because the child doesn't know what's going on. Why do we put ourselves through this evolution? There is this unrelenting need to change, always nagging, pulling at our hearts, nipping at our fingertips. Go away!! Change? Why? We once were perfect. It's only that pull that jades. Is it necassary? Would I miss my friends? Would my sister fall? Would my mother weep? Would my dad regress?
What if I were to say I don't care, but in that same sentence I meant, I care about everything. What if my sister asked me a question, and instead of relating I told her she was beautiful. What if I just screamed at the top of my lungs, how damn beautiful everyone is? Would they shun me? Would you? Does misery really love company or does misery need a make over?
Some people become content with thier suffering.
That must be the exact momet they become happy.
I hope one day I will realize I will go on forever. That thought seems too big to grasp. Profound thoughts often whisper to me in the dark. They sweep past rustling trying to distract me so I will forget. And I usually do.
The morning.
Light.
They bring me back to the tangible. If only I could find a balance between the two.
Extra sensitive...forgetting why. Smiling because I have to. I can't put my finger on the argument. When I'm over whelmed it all slips away and I panic because I can't remember why I was crying. Why do I hold on so tight. Would I drift away? Places unknown. Peter pan...she never grew up. I'm not an adult when I'm alone.
It's like BIG. Did you ever see that movie? An adult doing adult things, sobbing because the child doesn't know what's going on. Why do we put ourselves through this evolution? There is this unrelenting need to change, always nagging, pulling at our hearts, nipping at our fingertips. Go away!! Change? Why? We once were perfect. It's only that pull that jades. Is it necassary? Would I miss my friends? Would my sister fall? Would my mother weep? Would my dad regress?
What if I were to say I don't care, but in that same sentence I meant, I care about everything. What if my sister asked me a question, and instead of relating I told her she was beautiful. What if I just screamed at the top of my lungs, how damn beautiful everyone is? Would they shun me? Would you? Does misery really love company or does misery need a make over?
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