I'm sick of being part of the group. I want to know and love each person in the group, but I don't want to be bound to them anymore and I don't want to do things because they told me to.

I will get some work done. I will think for myself. I have to start thinking for myself. I have to forge "the Elizabeth Way." 'Cause I'm done being laughed at because I'm different. I want to be proud of that. And I want to be cheesy and sappy and that's OK. I had gotten so good at being myself the two years before I came to SUA. But that person is slowly being erased. And I'm dull and lifeless and I'm sick of sitting in a big circle and wallowing in the pain because that's easier. It seems all we do is build these impenatratable walls with our self doubt and our circles of inside jokes. I'm going to start doing things the hard way.

Ya know what I hate the most? I hate the fear of seperating from them and the fear of being alone and the judgements I know they would make on me and they would feel betrayed. And I hate that they would all sit in a big circle and talk about me and why I'm changing and anylize it to death, and I hate even more that I would do the same thing...That's the poison of a group.