Goodbye my friends whom I've shared my changes with. I will miss you.

I've really got nothing to say. My life is on one of those smooth sections of the road. Can't really feel anything, I'm going through the motions. Can't really see anything 'cause it hurts to much. And what's more, don't really want to get out a bed 'cause I know the day will mean nothing. Endless thoughts of things I can't have and things I can't acomplish and this dull buzz in my ears. I'm a walking, laughing nightmare of a girl who can't see past the thunder and can't hear past the clouds, and isn't even trying...to get a love, or a number, or a drink...not even trying to get a let go or a let loose or a lose control. If I dressed my vagina it would wear kakai colered shorts. No silk or velvet. No lace or lilac, only dull tan shorts. Haven't owned up to anything, excepting my wrong actions at the wrong time. Haven't apologized enough for tearing the people around me apart...I sit and mope and they think maybe it's them...it's not. It's more about the long endless highways and the streches of green that touch to heaven. It's more about how ninty and twenty equal 110...who cares. Wow! And it's really about how I want to be a poet and a dancer but I don't have the guts, the talent, or the brains to do what I really want to do. And it's always about how I don't love myself and it rubs off on others. And it seems that it will never cease to be about lonliness and pent up sexuality and my anger at everyone else for having what I want.

I am going to evolve. I am going to change. This is going to end. And the world will sigh because it knew me.