It's about time I fell into someone elses space. Into thier personal, into a claim of devotion.

I fall asleep with frantic images of love. With empty. Without knees and knobs that belong to someone else. I have never been held. I have never been kissed.

Concept unreal, try to hide it from myself really. Because she hit the nail on the head while we were on the boardwalk.

My spirit will die. Never knowing the tug and pull of someone elses for sheer want of my attention.

And I just keep waiting here for the universe to renig on this cruel joke it's playing on me.

I'm sure without a doubt the gods are watching from thier hiding spaces.

Laughing at and loving the girl they've denied life.

Fingers brushing away the lonely that has seeped into my bones, I'm about to give it all up.

It's so nice when I slip into that cacoon of pain. It becomes my lover..."no one but me could ever want you", it says. "No one but me." And it is black and destructive, just like an abusive relationship. I cradle it in my arms because it's all I have. The only flaw: pain doesn't wipe away the tears. I have to do that myself.

And eventually it becomes to hot and to explosive and I have to abandon it for a bit. But pain always comes back, tugging lonely behind, and because my bed has never known the heat of another I let it in, my first love.