Ok so that depression only lasted half a day. I think I´m getting stronger.

I am so sick of myself right now I want to sit in this internet chair and scream bloody murder. Who decided that my heart should be pumping in this totally inadequate body, with this totally inadequate mind. My heart hurts right now and I want to cry and run terror through the streets.

I cant believe how much love I have inside. theres no one to recieve it and its like a cow that hasent been milked, its going to kill me.

I know the perfect word to describe me, which is akward. Im a stumbling, bumbling mess...I want to live in my dreams where he loves me. I want to sleep all the time instead of being in this reality. Im alone. Every night of my whole entire life I have gotten into a bed alone, I have dreamt alone, I have loved no one and nothing and everything all at the same time.

And its taking everything I have right now not to break down and say no more please, no more...