I hoped, when I woke up from my nap yesterday, that he would still be alive. That nineteen year old Julius Dawson was playing a very good, but totally "not-funny" joke on all of us. But when I woke up, nothing had changed. My heart was still breaking for him...he was still gone.

I'm feeling very inspired by the SGI national leaders and the new changes happening in the SGI these days. It's no accident that the "new departure" of the SGI is happening at the same time as my new departure to Arizona. I am praying that my move to Arizona will set me on the path of living to my fullest potential on a daily basis...and will be a catalyst for me to uncover some of my lost dreams.

"will you come back to me? Will you come back to me? Heaven only knows..."

I finally rode my bike to work! It hurt. I'm so out of shape that my thighs started burning after peddling for just one block. So sad...that's what happens when the only exercise you get for a year is walking up and down the house steps.

I also started writing in my journal again...I was like, oh yeah! I do have emotions...I swear, for the last ten months I've been in survival mode, which means, for me, that I tried to think and feel as little as possible...

For graduation gifts, I received a tea pot, a set of silver wear, and a measuring cup and spoon set. Opening up these gifts was both exhilarating and terrifying, because they are symbols of my impending independence. I've been an adult for a long time now, but I've been dependent on my parents since I was born. Are these mini panic attacks I've been experiencing, right before I drift to sleep, normal?

Next week:

Last class: Mon

Send in Teaching License paper work: Tue

Leave for Japan: Wed

Arrive in Japan: Thur

Mom picks up my cap and gown while I'm in Japan: Fri

Alumni meeting: Sat

Leave Japan: Sun

Arrive in the U.S. and graduate at 2:30pm: Sun

What was I thinking!

I went to the Oregon teachers job fair this week and had five interviews! I was offered a job in Arizona in one of the school districts in Phoenix. I'm very confused about whether I should move, or keep hitting the pavement here in p-town. Phoenix equals complete independence. Am I ready for that?

OK...so I don't mind being hit on by a sixty year old man...it gives my confidence a bit of a boost...but when that's the only guy who's hit on you in like three or four months, its worrisome.

I've definitely let myself go!

I'm on vacation, but I can't help but listen to the little voice in my head that says, don't relax...you've got to graduate in a month, and you're not gonna do it if you sit down and watch movies and eat chocolate for the next seven days...

Life has taken a turn for the better in the last two weeks. Things are going well enough at school, my family and I celebrated my 24th birthday on the 2nd at the cheesecake factory. We were the loudest family there and the waitress said she loved us. My house is finally clean for the first time in three months and Elsa and I are talking again...oh, you didn't know, well we didn't talk for six months or so because she was mad at me...but we worked it out yesterday and I'm very happy we did.

Today was probably one of the worse days of my life...I do not say that lightly, and it's not funny. Today was filled with screaming children and my supervisor watching it all in the back of the room. Oh my. All I can think about right now are all of the professions I should have chosen to pursue. Like waiter, or McDonald's hamburger maker. I could have done those jobs well. I have a feeling this throbbing in my head is not going away anytime soon...

So January Started off with a headcold and February started with a big bang of Norovirus: AKA diarrhea for four days straight. Am I going to survive 2007? That is the question.

Andy and Sammi, I hope your new blog titles give you pleasure.

And to Ryochan: You read my blog!!?? I had no idea.

To Uyen: School is slowly killing me...well my kindergartners germs are anyway, but I'm gonna make it. And when I do, I'll be immune to every illness known to little, five-year- old man!

I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
-Yeats

2007 has begun in ernest. I've been sick with a head cold for four days. I'm suffering massive anxiety about teaching kindergartners, and I've watched way too much television. Hmmm...imagine that. Well, all I can do is continue to chant, and have confidence that 2007 will get better.

So, I gave in today and actually decorated my myspace page. In doing so, I found some of you fools on myspace and I asked you to be my friend. So, you know, hook a sister up and accept me some time soon. I also visited my Hi5 account today and I had two messages from random guys who, "just wanted to chat." Well they were a little too buff and fake tanned for me, so I deleted them. Sorry boys!

Ode to my wisdom teeth that I had removed last Thursday

O' Wisdom teeth, wisdom teeth two were under ground. O' wisdom teeth, wisdom teeth the other two were out and hanging around. I used to pick food out of the holes those two made. But the other day my dentist got paid. He took out my wisdom teeth and threw them away and now I'm in pain every day. Its amazing how the removal of four teeth can knock one down for more than a week. But I'm trying to stay strong and not let the pressure take me down, 'cause dude, it's the holidays and with that you don't mess around.

By the way, I have a 4.0 over all G.P.A. Who knew...?

I thought I was free from Capstone forever! But here I am a year and a half later typing up another one! What the hell is going on...I don't even have Sammi and Pili to procrastinate with. It's just me, in my chair, bored, lonely, and wishing it was graduation day.

I need a chug!

P.S. My last day with my fourth graders was Wednesday. I'm gonna miss them...

Japan















Our first day in Japan, I was delirious. All I can tell you is that we ate good food, hung out with SJ, Yumi and Noako, and then I crashed (hard) on the floor of our hotel. Yeah, we snuck four people in one room...but we wouldn't be us if we had done it the "proper" way!



















The giant cone!! In Tokyo, we shopped. We went to a Kabuki show which Jess hated, we went bra shopping, we rode train after train...




















Yes, we went to Denny's in Japan...but isn't this picture cute!!















I got naked. What more can I say.















In Nikko, I should have eaten floating spaghetti, but I had ramen instead!















Ann's house!




















Jess says she doesn't look like herself in this picture, but she does look mighty adorable in her green school shoes. Bye the bye, this is at soka high school which was an adventure to find. While at the high school Ann pulled the first class card and we were able to give ourselves a tour of the school. I had fun saying hello to everyone.

When we left Soka high, we went to a spaghetti shop and I had the best spaghetti ever in the whole world!!

At headquarters I dropped off gifts and we had a guidance session with Mr. Asano. He looked at Jess the whole time. He knew she was a heathen...After our guidance session we went shopping. I bought the cutest gosho cover ever! It's too small for my American gosho, but Leaves of Grass fits perfectly.

The same night I made my first drunk and dial call to Allison. I'm sure she'll give you details, if you ask nicely.















After Ann's, jess and I took a six hour train ride to Aomori. At her friend Brian's I made BEAUTIFUL takoyaki (is that how you spell it) and almost choked to death on a piece of fat that slid down my throat. Yeah, I think I definitely impressed Brian when I regurgitated my food.




















Alli's house! It was freezing, but super cute inside.















This tree IS being molested. Jessica was practicing being sensual, and I think she was quite successful in this pic, what do you think?

During our stay with Allison we were hit on by dumb Americans at the lake, we ate conveyor belt sushi, I had Mos burger for the first time, and we went to THREE hundred yen stores.












Allison took us to the coolest park ever. The slides were crazy. One of them was a 90 degree drop! The others were roller slides. I think I still have bruises on my tushie.

The trip was a lot of fun. In particular it was so nice to see my SOKA sisters!! Fight with them, hang out with them, talk about randomness with them! I miss you ladies.

Back to reality...I've been sleepy for four days straight. Hopefully this jetlag thing will go away soon. I've actually blacked out a couple of times...is that normal...

On Monday September 25, 2006, I taught my first math lesson. It was somewhat terrifying. Math, I thought, they want ME to teach math. Math makes me cry... But I did it...and then I did it again the next day, and the next, and the next for the whole week. A good teacher checks for students understanding regularly and often and all of my checks have shown that my students ARE learning! Pat on the back.

Teaching is hard. All of those minds are in my hands. All of those eyes are looking at me. All of those children are EXPECTING me to help them come to new understandings about the world...Intimidating?? Hell yes! But every day it gets a little easier. On Thursday, I taught a little girl how to tell the time, on Friday I spoke Spanish to a little boy who barely understands English and his face lit up when he was finally able to understand the instructions given to him, and complete the task at hand. A little boy wrote on his weekly note that his favorite part of the week had been learning about arrays. His favorite part of the week was when I was teaching...! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

My husband put out a new album...I bet if you make an educated guess you'll know who I'm talking about. Listening to it improves my mood. My life is crazy. In the next three months I have a work sample and capstone proposal due. My worksample will be approximately 100 pages long and y'all know how stressful writing a capstone proposal can be...but you would be proud of me...I haven't had a freakout fest yet. I've been taking one day at a time and, miraculously, it's working to keep me calm about all I have to do in the next few weeks. I'm good...I'm gonna make it.