I'm being bought, and that's the truth.

I'm too shy/scared to "get a life," and that's the truth.

The Joyful Noise take over of the YMCA is the worst thing that I've ever experienced on a job, and that's the truth.

I may never grow up, and that's the truth.

I get jealous when I read Uyen's blog because it reminds me of the life I wish I led, and that's the truth.

I'm a judgmental brat, and that's the truth.

I'm broke, and I watch too much TV, and that's the truth.

I don't trust, and that's the truth.

One of the best things in the world is a hug from a friend you haven't seen in a while. I went to a BBQ at Wula's house today and saw Caisy, and Jackie! They both seem well. We sat around and talked about our new lives, and how the shadows of our old ones seem to get in the way of happiness...we ate chicken, took a walk around the neighborhood, talked about "boys" and "girls" and enjoyed each others company. Caisy said she's "in transition." Jacky works at soka and said she refuses to eat in the cafeteria where the food is no longer free, and the faces have changed. Wula and caisy work in a restaurant in the town center and they said the professors find excuses to go eat there so that they can see people from the class of 05. The profs are lost without us. Jackie said they call us their babies...

Will I ever feel at home in my house again?

Happy Birthday Cassie and Jess...Your cards are in the mail!!

"Your eyes have a story that they wish to tell, and I have my whole life and I listen well. Look I'll be your confidant, tell me anything." JT

First, congrats to all of those who have recently been hired...Mitzi we can suffer together in the shoe department...and Sammi, I do need more One Piece!! It keeps me sane.

Updates:

I went to the beach for three days last week. And it was cleansing. My sister and I ran across sand dunes, wiggled our toes in the cold murky water, and I ate eggs benedict. I want to go back, I wanted to stay forever, but that's not life. Life is hard work.

When I came back from the beach, I picked up my 2004 Toyota corolla from the Hertz dealer. Yes, I bought a car. I love it. I'm in love with it. It's the highlight of my last three months.

I talked to Pili today, who was at SUA, and found Andy who I talked to for the first time in forever!! I could hear the other students celebrating a birthday party in the background and my heart broke. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to escape from real life and feel warm and safe in my Soka bubble again. But then my new car called and I drove myself and my mom to a diamoku toso (aka lots of chanting at a friends house).

Reasons why I'm stressed out:

• I can't wear sandals to work anymore and my feet are mad at me for suffocating them every day.
• I have to be at work every morning at 7:15am. At soka nothing began before 9am. My body is in shock.
• My new bosses are absolutely nothing like my old boss Terri. She talked with us about Harry potter and cramps. My new bosses barely manage a hello, much less an entertaining conversation.

Can I do this?? That's the question taking over my brain...

So, In the last three weeks my job at the daycare has been incredibly stressful, to say the least. A new company is taking over the Children's Holladay Center on August 1st. In the last two weeks all of the staff members at the CHC including myself have had to reapply for their jobs. This month has been filled with my wondering whether I'd have to move on and get a different full time job. Today, however, I found out that the new company is hiring me and is giving me a full time teacher position. I have mixed feelings. I'll be making $2 more an hour and I'll get health insurance, which is a good thing, and I'll get a lot of great experience planning lessons, etc. But on another note, it scares me that I will be responsible for a class. I won't go into the class with the mentality of a sub or an aid, but with the mentality of a teacher. Ahhh....Scary!! My week will be a 4/10 week. I'll have Tuesday's off and work all other days from 7:30pm to 5:30pm. Hmm, well, I guess I'll just give it all I got, and hopefully everything works out for the best.

Being dependent on your parents sucks. How come my dad is the "flakiest" man in history and my mom the most frustrated woman?

I've been so babied and spoiled it feels like there's no turning back.

I'm going to buy a car. Or my mom is and I' m going to pay for it.

Sammi, this is for you!! Remember our butt filter with musical downloads?? Well, I think this is the first step in that direction! http://www.flat-d.com/canineproducts.html

hehe!

Ok, So I'm really excited about blogger's new image uploader. Just a random picture of all my crazy friends to make sure it works.

My sister wrote this about all of you in her journal at the beginning of last school year (don't worry, I have permission):

...Night we left Soka:

We have just left Soka and I am very sad to see all of the faces I have come to know and love fade away into a dark cloud; The faces of my sisters friends who are friends to me too.

Pilipino and his singing

Sammi and her love of kid movies

Allison and her funny talk (punk ass mo fo)

Ann and her 300 movies

Andy and his smile

Cassie and her boyfriend stories

Jessica and her love for Wendy's

Uyen and her simplicity

My sister and her laugh

Phat and his expressions, along with his strange commentary

I will miss them all in one way or another, and I will miss the feeling and the smell and the excitement of being there...

My new "supervisor" said: "welcome aboard Elizabeth," and I smiled.

Second job, here I come!

Wow! Starting today I can officially say, I graduated from an accredited university. Well, at least it's accredited now, and no one needs to know about the four years when that title seemed so far away, and down right impossible.

On another note, they're looking for Anime teachers over here in Oregon...(Ellie coughs loudly)...Sammi!

So Sammi, I saw the American One Piece the other day, and it was by far the worst Japanese Anime gone American I have ever seen. Although the changes in the weaponry weren't as bad as I thought they would be, the voice overs and the English translations are what killed me. All of the magic was sucked out of the Anime. When Sanji opened his mouth to talk, I 'bout nearly had a heart attack, because he has this awful Brooklyn accent.

The characters said things like: "Now were really cookin!" And they added extra dialogue where there actually was none in the original. Oh the sadness!!

The spiders are coming!!

Yes Jess, I will call you back. I'm assessing my financial situation...

In between working at CHC and attending SGI meetings, I've been daydreaming. I dream about my future car, my future apartment, my future career and my future boyfriend. Unfortunately most of the things I dream, take money to make a reality. I can wish for a car until the sun don't shine, but I won't have one until I have $400-$500 a month to spend on payments and insurance. And the boyfriend is just a distant fantasy, that no amount of money or dreaming will make true for me.

I am so over being twenty something and a college grad!!

I can be semi proud of myself, because in the last two days, I've managed to apply to 4 jobs. Yay!! Hopefully my second job is being lined up right now, and managers are talking about how they 'want to hire that cute girl that came in yesterday and dropped off her application.'

I've been day dreaming about my future apartment. I've decided I want to have lots of candles, and a red bath mat. My friend Nyle has a red bath mat, and it's super cool. Nyle has decided that the youth division should have cocktail nights every first Thursday and I have to say I support his idea whole heartedly. I'm thinking about buying a black cocktail dress, so that I can go out to the art shows after the cocktails looking like a stunning 22 year old and get some booty!

Today my friend Monica finally graduated from High school. I'm so proud of her, because she managed to get an award for most improved student, two scholarships for college, and she already has fifteen college credits under her belt. Go Monica! At the graduation, I saw so many of my old friends from high school. It was weird. Everyone had a baby! And my friend Wyuka, who I used to be in love with, has an eight month old little girl. It's so surreal to think that this person who was just a little boy himself only a few years ago is responsible for this baby's life. Sitting and talking with him made me feel very old.

Today was my first day back at work, and all I can say is. Ohmygod. These chillins might just drive me nuts.

My life post SUA has consisted mainly of sitting on my ass. I can't work until my enrollment in Oregon's criminal history registry has been renewed, and so, I've been pretty unproductive the last few days. I've watched far to much television. The advertisements have begun to eat my brain, and all I want to do is shop. My sister and I went shopping, but all I could find (that I knew I liked and would wear) were seven pairs of Victorias Secret underwear and two bras.

I went to high school with one of the bank tellers at US Bank and he gave me his number. He wants to hang out some time. But I'm too chicken to give him a call.

Elsa called me on accident the other day. We talked for about five minutes and made a promise to see one another soon.

I went to the starlight parade with some of the Seattle youth division members. It was fun. They came up to Portland to scope out the parade, because SGI is supposed to march in it next year. Pablo convinced me I should be in the Seafair parade again this summer. Jess and Cassie, if you are reading please know that I'm very convinced, in my own mind, that you two should also be in the parade! Expect a phone call in the next few days!

Christina went on a cruise to Mexico. If you're out there Uyen, you might just be on the same cruise. They left from Cali, did you??

Will this life ever really be mine, or will my mom always have to give me a ride to the video store?

Will I ever be strong enough to let go of comfortable?

Can I actually save enough money to have my own apartment, visit Allison, and Andy in cali, and put myself through school?

First I need to get a second job. Baby steps...

A miracle:

My neighbor has unsecured, high-speed wireless! His name is Matt. I've been "borrowing" his internet services for the last day and a half. You can't beat free!

If he catches on to me, the school across the street has unsecured wireless also...and I thought I was going to have to pay to get internet back on my computer! ;)

My Aunt Nanee passed away today at 9am. She was 94. I was able to spend a good amount of time with her last Christmas break. We watched television together. She talked with me about her favorite memories and her closest friends. I helped her put a photo album together. She told me she loved me and would miss me when I left for school.

That was the last time I saw her completely conscious and spunky. That's the Nanee I'm going to miss.

I saw her for the last time two days ago. When I walked into her room, I was shocked to the very core. She was sitting in a wheel chair, slumped over. She had an oxygen mask strapped to her nose. She was shaking. She couldn't open her eyes. I totally lost it. I went into the bathroom to morn the strong, lucid woman I left last Christmas break. When I returned to her room I held her hand, and tried to give her comfort. When I left her, I felt empty. I felt like Nanee was already gone.

When my mom told me she passed away this morning, I felt sad but relieved that she wouldn't have to suffer anymore. She wouldn't have to spend one more minute slumped in her chair shouting the only word she could still say, "ouch!"

I'm going to miss you Nanee. You always stuck up for yourself. You never let anyone walk all over you. You enjoyed your life despite all of your own losses and heart aches. I love you.

My sister said: "That's what small schools do to you. They make you never want to leave."